Thoughts as I Grow Old

THOUGHTS AS I GROW OLD:

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off!

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes."

I don't trip over things; I do random gravity checks!

The biggest lie I tell myself is: "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

I hate to admit it, but I do resemble a few of these.....well, maybe more than a few.