A True Travel Joke

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Re: A True Travel Joke

Post  coolbreeze1 on Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:21 pm

Richard wrote:For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

LOL alien alien alien

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Re: A True Travel Joke

Post  coolbreeze1 on Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:28 pm

Richard wrote:Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.

So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.Beer is also made out of grain. SO, bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.

If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ...Foods are in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! AND,it's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey, 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand-chocolate in the other,body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
I like this doctor cheers cheers cheers

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Re: A True Travel Joke

Post  coolbreeze1 on Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:31 pm

Richard wrote:RV Joke
Joe and Ed, both from Duluth, Minnesota, were standing in the shallow end of a swimming pool at the Fountain of Youth RV Park at California's Salton Sea, discussing how happy they were to be in sunny California rather than being back in frigid Minnesota. As they were talking, Ed noticed something funny about his friend's ear. "Joe," he said, "do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Startled, Joe replied, "I have a suppository in my ear??"

"That's right," said Ed, "you have a suppository in your ear." Joe immediately pulled it out, then said, "Thanks, buddy. I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I know where I put my hearing aid."
Sounds like one of Richards friends lol!

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Re: A True Travel Joke

Post  Richard on Wed Mar 10, 2010 6:33 pm

Deleted, not funny enough to save forever.


Last edited by Richard on Thu Jan 06, 2011 2:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: A True Travel Joke

Post  coolbreeze1 on Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:31 pm

Richard wrote:Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men.

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?


He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
Don't get it Rolling Eyes

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